worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
