I CAN MOONWALK!
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
