I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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