Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
