I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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