So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
