yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
