dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
