All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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