No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
