Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
