Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
