Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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