yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
