I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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