So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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