Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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