she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
he had hair everywhere except his balls
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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