I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
