bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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