theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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