is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
