That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
