i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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