sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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