So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
