yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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