my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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