to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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