How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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