He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
