So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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