billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
