you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
