He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
