pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
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i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
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So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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