I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
