You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
