TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
