I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
