just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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