hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
