Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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