please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
