a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
