i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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