Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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