Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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