is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
