I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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