The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
