I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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