I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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