LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
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My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
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I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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