I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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