What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
