I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
What a dumb baby whore.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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