Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
