I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
