I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
