Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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